Gotta Start Somewhere

I just finished applying for my first New York job. It's a real long shot, but I'm a big believer in aiming high. I'd much rather strike out than settle--that goes for everything in life.

My options are pretty open at this point. I'm applying to grad school this fall and am only looking at NYC. If I'm lucky enough to get in somewhere, maybe I'll defer, maybe I won't.

To be honest, this whole process just makes me excited. It's great to be able to feel something. I know that may be sad to say, but sometimes I get so focused and caught up in work and other things that I don't appreciate things.

My goal is to put myself out there and to as the song says "hold my heart over my head". I may fail and I'm OK with that. I may just do fine and I'm good with that too. Who knows, maybe I'll be great. That possibility is worth giving this a shot.

I'm Probably In the Wrong Here

I just got in a big debate with my dad about work. He's seen that I'm exploring my options as far as employment and the thing that's driving this the most is salary.

He threw out factors for me to consider such as doing something you find rewarding and workplace chemistry.

I've been working steadily since I was 17 years old. I started as a bagger at Safeway. Like many people, going to college made me want to change the world and make a difference. I'm happy and proud of the things I've done to help others and contribute to the community. It's a plus that my folks have been so supportive of me.

The older I get and the longer I work though, I realize that the things I love and enjoy have nothing to do with work. My true passion is with friends, family and loved ones. I hate to say it, but I also enjoy material things like cars, nice clothes and toys. God knows I love to travel. On top of that I love eating healthy and working out.

When I really sit down and analyze it, I only work so that I can enjoy the things I love and for the practicality of having health benefits. God bless people who love their job and are passionate about their profession. It's just not me.

So that's why I'm playing the field. Will I ever have a career? Who knows? As long as money is coming my job's ethical--who gives a fuck?!

To quote a famous line in Jerry Maguire, "Show me the money!!!"

Thinking Out Loud

Ran into this girl today. I don't know her very well at all. We've only exchanged a word or two. Pretty sad. All I know is that she's really cute, but today she looked drop dead gorgeous.

I don't know why, but I just freeze up with chicks I find attractive. I don't know what to say or do. Anyway, none of this matters. She has a boyfriend and a cat. =/

A Void

I go on and on about this New York thing. I really feel that making the move will make me happy. I’ve had friends say that if I meet a nice girl here in the Bay that that will satisfy. I’ve also thought that if I had a job that paid more it would make we want to stick around.

The reality is that while those things would be nice, they’d only make me happy temporarily. I’m here physically, but mentally and spiritually I’m in the Big Apple.

I love the Bay and the love and support I get here from friends and family. It’s just time for me to move on…for selfish reasons.

Focus

Just to be clear: what I want more than anything at this point in my life is to live in New York. I'm easily distracted. I've gotta improve that about myself.