You Beezy

My therapist seems to think it's unhealthy that I get more pleasure from my Sonicare toothbrush and John Varvatos jeans than my last three relationships combined. I think it's unhealthy that my therapist is a 37 year old, unmarried woman that wears braces. "Hi, I have a PhD, owe thousands in student loans, rent a 450 sq. ft. apartment in Emeryville and haven't gotten laid since I was an undergrad at Northwestern."

Tonight's Lesson

Be nice to people: you never know when they're going to be hot. You know exactly what I'm talking about. A lot can change in 10 years. I've never really been a mean or snobby guy, but I know a lot of you are. I ran into an old friend from high school the other day and he asked, "Guess who I ran into last weekend?" I shrugged my shoulders. "________ and she is smokin' hot!" I could not believe my ears. ________ was a year or two younger than us and back then, she reminded me more of Mr. T than Eva Longoria-Parker. My how times have changed.

I had to see this to believe it. I couldn't do so in real life (because that's creepy), but fortunately he had the facebook app on his iPad. We did a little stalking and browsed her galleries (yeXXX) and Good God. There aren't many 10's out there (or 8's for that matter), but she was like a 12. Again, I didn't know or interact with her much but my buddy did. He called her just about every name in the book. Today, he (or I and 99% of the dudes I know) has no shot in hell with her. How a woman like that is single is beyond me (thought daddy issues may be a factor).

Don't make the same mistake my buddy made. She's got everything going for her and he's pushing 30, overweight and lives with his baby mama in a trailer behind Costco. Be nice to people, even if it is for selfish reasons. Sceptics out there may say that __________ is an anomaly--the exception to the rule. I say, quit being such a dick!

Lucky Guy

That's me. All I had to do was stop for a moment to take it all in. I'm happy :)