Fuck the Burbs

I'm a big fan of city living. It's exciting and fast paced. There's culture. There's diversity. There's history.

I always thought that I'd end up living in the suburbs just 'cause that's what everyone else does. As I get older, I kind of resent the damn suburbs and am fairly sure it's not what I want.

In fact, I'd rather live in the country or on a vineyard than in a manufactured community.

The only appeal the burbs has on me is space (which the country has to offer). Garage & yard space ain't easy to come by in the city unless you're rich (which I'm not).

Why be close to the city when you can be IN it? If I'm gonna be away, it's gonna be FAR, FAR away.

What up, Healdsburg?!

Don't Look Back

The year was 2008. 196lbs. 36 inch waist. I ate and drank whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. Not to brag or get too graphic, but I also slept with a lot of chicks.

Pretty awesome, right? Wrong.

At the time I thought I was having fun. As I reflect on this time period, I see a young man that gave up and let himself go. Did all that eating, dr

inking and sex really make me happy?

Nope. I was just low on self-esteem and those things were a quick fix to make myself feel better.

4HB saved my fuckin' life.

I'm so much more comfortable with myself. I'm pretty healthy, have a decent job, the best of friends and family...what a life. If the worst thing in my life is me living in San Francisco and not New York, then shit...I guess I'm a lucky bastard.

All I know is that I'm gonna try my hardest to keep this shit going. Sure, I'm not getting down as much (if at all) or drinking like a fish and eating like Joey Chestnut. That doesn't do it for me anymore. Maybe I've grown. I know I've changed. This lifestyle has made me happier than I've ever been and most importantly, I fell in love again...with myself.

Mental Tests

There are temptations and distractions all around me. I am trying hard not to give in.

With 4HB, you can just pig out on cheat day to get your urges out of the system. Sadly, with women, it's not as easy. There aren't too many chicks out there that our down to just get busy. You can pretend you want something more, then never call again, but that's just douchy.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about consequences and how my actions make others feel. It's funny, 'cause a close friend of mine who happens to be a woman tells me that I just need to live and not worry too much about consequences. "You're adults", she says. "It takes two people to make something happen."

At this time last year, I'd totally be all about it. Now, with 4HB, I feel a little better about myself, so I'm gonna go ahead and hold out.

NY > Chicks

Timing is Everything

You ever think you met someone at the wrong time? Let me explain. Say you meet someone and everything clicks. There's the physical attraction, you can talk to them for hours, your interests are in line with one another. Here's the thing though: she's married or you have a girlfriend.

FML, right?

Timing is everything. She's too young, she's too old. You're too young, you're too old.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!

Gotta Start Somewhere

I just finished applying for my first New York job. It's a real long shot, but I'm a big believer in aiming high. I'd much rather strike out than settle--that goes for everything in life.

My options are pretty open at this point. I'm applying to grad school this fall and am only looking at NYC. If I'm lucky enough to get in somewhere, maybe I'll defer, maybe I won't.

To be honest, this whole process just makes me excited. It's great to be able to feel something. I know that may be sad to say, but sometimes I get so focused and caught up in work and other things that I don't appreciate things.

My goal is to put myself out there and to as the song says "hold my heart over my head". I may fail and I'm OK with that. I may just do fine and I'm good with that too. Who knows, maybe I'll be great. That possibility is worth giving this a shot.

I'm Probably In the Wrong Here

I just got in a big debate with my dad about work. He's seen that I'm exploring my options as far as employment and the thing that's driving this the most is salary.

He threw out factors for me to consider such as doing something you find rewarding and workplace chemistry.

I've been working steadily since I was 17 years old. I started as a bagger at Safeway. Like many people, going to college made me want to change the world and make a difference. I'm happy and proud of the things I've done to help others and contribute to the community. It's a plus that my folks have been so supportive of me.

The older I get and the longer I work though, I realize that the things I love and enjoy have nothing to do with work. My true passion is with friends, family and loved ones. I hate to say it, but I also enjoy material things like cars, nice clothes and toys. God knows I love to travel. On top of that I love eating healthy and working out.

When I really sit down and analyze it, I only work so that I can enjoy the things I love and for the practicality of having health benefits. God bless people who love their job and are passionate about their profession. It's just not me.

So that's why I'm playing the field. Will I ever have a career? Who knows? As long as money is coming my job's ethical--who gives a fuck?!

To quote a famous line in Jerry Maguire, "Show me the money!!!"

Thinking Out Loud

Ran into this girl today. I don't know her very well at all. We've only exchanged a word or two. Pretty sad. All I know is that she's really cute, but today she looked drop dead gorgeous.

I don't know why, but I just freeze up with chicks I find attractive. I don't know what to say or do. Anyway, none of this matters. She has a boyfriend and a cat. =/

A Void

I go on and on about this New York thing. I really feel that making the move will make me happy. I’ve had friends say that if I meet a nice girl here in the Bay that that will satisfy. I’ve also thought that if I had a job that paid more it would make we want to stick around.

The reality is that while those things would be nice, they’d only make me happy temporarily. I’m here physically, but mentally and spiritually I’m in the Big Apple.

I love the Bay and the love and support I get here from friends and family. It’s just time for me to move on…for selfish reasons.

Focus

Just to be clear: what I want more than anything at this point in my life is to live in New York. I'm easily distracted. I've gotta improve that about myself.

Two Chicks At The Same Time, Man

Have you ever had two people that are close friends have a thing for you at the same time? I have and the best way I can describe it is awesome and weird. Let me tell you about this experience I had. You see there were these guys named Bob and Randy. They were the best of friends. And on top of that, they were totally into me....hahaha. Totally kidding.

But seriously, I have been thinking about choices a lot lately. That's what happens when most of your spare time is spent on a treadmill.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but I often think, what if I did this instead of that? Let me get to the point. There were these two chicks I knew in college. At the time, I was a decent looking lad with an above average body (a far cry from where I am today--old and fat). So these chicks, were both into me at the same time. We hung out a lot as a trio, often times in tandem formation (literally). I would also hang out with each chick individually. On a side note, I can't tell you how many free chocolate croissants I got from the cafe one of them worked at.

Eventually, I had to choose and briefly dated one of the chicks. It got quasi-serious for a minute but like most romances in your late teens, it fizzled as quickly as it sparked.

Like most normal people, I'll do the occasional Google or Facebook search on folks. I like to call it research. My latest findings have told me that I may have picked the wrong girl. Let me start by saying that the woman I dated is extremely successful in her field and doing well for herself. Her friend? Well, she's moderately successful in her trade.

So why did I pick the wrong girl? Here's why: at look at girl one and say, eh. She aight at best. Girl two however is a damn model and actress. Sure, it's Thailand, but good God, man. She...looks...AMAZING.

At the time, I thought I was making a good choice, but I never rationalized anything. Looking back at old pictures, girl number two was hands down hotter than girl one. I had to be the idealist teenager that was hung up on the fact that girl two had more sexual partners than girl one and was also intrigued by the fact that girl one was a virgin. STUPID MOVE!

The lesson learned is that you may think you know what you want, but you really don't. Sometimes you go off gut instinct. Often times you go for what's easy. Logic should always prevail.

I'm older and wiser now. I realize that going for what's easy and comfortable is what hold people back from being great.

EDITOR'S NOTE: My "research" tells me that these women who were once the best of friends no longer speak to each other. WoW!

When I Get Cravings

I usually grill up a nice steak or treat myself to Chipotle. That gets me through every time.

4HB...4 life!

Commercials for Stoners

I've been watching a lot of TV lately. Part of it is homework for the writing class, but mostly I just don't feel like thinking when I get home from work or pilates class.

With TV comes commercials. I hate how commercials make things look better than they really are. There are tons of examples of this, but right now, the one that comes to mind is the DiGiorno/Toll House cookie campaign.

What the fuck?!

These commercials are targeting one group and one group only--stoners. There really is no logical reason to package the two together. I've never thought: Damn, I'm really craving a pizza right now. While I'm at it, I think I'm gonna get some chocolate chip cookies too...except for when I was high.

In A Perfect World

Recently, a close friend asked me, “What’s your dream job?” I responded by saying, I don’t think my dream job exists.

If I could do anything I wanted for a living, it wouldn't pay a shit ton nor would it be anything that would change the world. It would be all about peace of mind. Selfish, I know.

I’d spend all day watching movies, cooking and working out. What a life that would be. #retirement

Little Voice

Maybe it's the pain meds, but for some reason I kept hearing a little voice inside my head say, "Be a good guy. Do the right thing."

Deep down, I think that's what I want to be.

Sidelined

An old injury is back (no pun intended) to haunt me. My doctor said I should take it easy for a couple of weeks aside from stretching and taking Motrin.

In the past, I'd totally take his advice to heart. The thing is, I've been doing a lot of yoga lately and one thing it has taught me is that we can do so much more than we think. I've been in a lot of pain over the last week or so and things haven't gotten much better.

At lunch today my co-workers were off to have their usual unhealthy meal at a local (and expensive) burger joint. They're really sweet. They always invite out me knowing I'll say no. I was on a mission and ready to mix things up, so I said: Fuck it! I'm going to pump some iron.

Best. Move. EVER! The truth is, physically I didn't feel any better or worst by doing the workout. Of course I got some stress and tension out which is always nice, but the magical part of this story happened before I even got to warming up.

I ran into a friend who I haven't hung out with for a while. We got to talking and before you knew it we kind of plans for a day date (see Just Friends). We'll see if this actually happens or not.

Anyhoot, I'm not gonna lie and say this chick is smokin' hot. She's not, but then again, neither am I with this haircut. She's also kind of flaky, weird and has issues. The funny thing is, when we hang out, I have a blast and all those "negatives" don't even matter. Her sense of humor elevates her from being what most consider to be a 7.5 to almost a 9. The good times I have, even just being friends with this chick really make my day. She's a cool cat and that 15 minute conversation was one I wished lasted hours. Sadly, I had had to get back to my workout and something even worse: my job. Still, that 15 minutes helped me get through the day.

What if I just took my doctor's advice and took it easy? I would have never written this post and I probably wouldn't be in such a good mood.

Bored

I get tired of things easily. My job. My car. People.

Is something wrong with me? Maybe.

I just want to feel excited. I've been bored for a long time.

She's Out of My League

A highly underrated movie :)

Cop-Out

I was thinking hard about how my last post was a total cop-out. I only drink but once a week (if that) thanks to my diet. I had selfish motivations to give up drinking (to get fit). It's not fair for me to give up something I hardly do.

Instead of giving up liquor (which I have done twice before), I'm giving up a person in my life. I'm a pretty level headed guy, but I don't always think clearly when it comes to chicks I'm into. I really shouldn't say chicks because there's only been one in the last several months.

I remember exchanging texts with Grem and Ry about this girl who I have only really known since last fall. After several months of ups and downs, things have hit rock bottom. I'm pretty sure I blew it by testing the waters and not showing enough interest when things were going really well. Right now, it's clear that she's not that into me and up until now I've dismissed the fact that she isn't really together as a person. At her age, she hasn't gotten a career started and still lives with her mom. Plus, Ry saw her eating at BJ's with some dude that looked like Fred Durst. That's neither here nor there because some of the chicks I've gone out with this year look like Fred Durst too.

For one reason or another I can't seem to control my actions or emotions when it comes to this chick. Part of me thinks she's the only girl available girl (at the time of this writing Natalie Portman is engaged and pregnant) I've really liked in the last year or so. The other part of me tells me that these feelings have to do with my ego not being able to take this rejections. This is where Aristotle's golden mean comes into play.

I'll not hear from her and out of the blue I'll get a text or a voicemail or an e-mail or Facebook wall post. As soon as this happens, I immediately consult Ry and Grem. What should I do? "Fuck her," are Ry's words. "Be strong, " Grem Says. I never listened and responded instantly just about every time. Until now.

I like to be in control and I'm not with this person in my life. That's why I'm giving her ass up for Lent. I also don't need distractions or things getting in the way of my hopes and dreams. I think I know myself pretty well. I really flourish when I'm around positive, encouraging people. Doing a little yoga lately has taught me a little discipline and the importance of mental toughness. For me, eliminating negative thoughts and influences are a key to my happiness.

So, goodbye, captain. It was nice knowing you. I'm not gonna lie: you're hot as fuck and one of the funnest people I've ever met (or had in my bedroom). But, life isn't all about fun and games. Perhaps we can try again in 40 something days.

Or not...

(Sorry for thinking out loud. Putting things in writing helps me accomplish things.)

Lent

This is probably going to upset the people I hang out with the most. I’m thinking about giving up beer and hard liquor for lent. If I give up those things, I might as well just give up all alcohol. Thoughts?

I was thinking about giving up loose women too, but you can only give up something that’s readily available, right?

So, here’s to sobriety…and Jesus. Happy Fat Tuesday!

Humble Pie

In this economy, you have to chew it and swallow. That's not going to stop me from pushing for grad school or looking at other job opportunities. I'm not just going to up and quit though. That wouldn't be very smart. I like to eat.

A Normal Life Is Boring

I never thought I'd be quoting Eminem in a post. Every job has its pros and cons. Right now the bullshit and politics seem to be overshadowing the things I enjoy most about work. I find myself buried in paperwork and e-mails while performing mundane tasks every day. I like most of the people I work with, but those I dislike just annoy the shit out of me.

What the fuck, man?! I guess it's selfish to complain when you have a job, enough to eat and a roof over your head, but SHIEEEEETTTT! I thought about this a lot. I mean, what else is out there? Shit paying jobs or jobs that pay well and expect you to sell your soul. Motherfucker!

Here's to another day of being diplomatic and pretending I care. Do I have two more years in me to hit that magic number? I don't know. I honestly don't.

Don't Even Ask Me

I've got a bunch of single friends and it seems like all they want to do is meet someone. This is fine. On paper, I look like a decent wingman, but in reality I'm not--especially if it's at a club. In this post, I'll talk about why you shouldn't bother inviting me out if you're going to a club.

Dress Code
You see, I hate clubs. Always have, always will. Anyone who knows me understands that I like getting dressed up, but it's a huge turnoff when someone requires it. For that reason, fuck clubs and their dress code.

Douchebags and Skanks
I hate to generalize, but that's what you get at most clubs. Trust me, some of my "friends" fall in this categories. They order douchy or skanky drinks like Jägerbombs or Red Bull vodkas. What's even worse is the dickhead that orders an Old Fashioned because it looked cool on Mad Men. Enjoy paying $10 and up for your tasty beverage at the club.

Douchebags and skanks at clubs also annoy me with what they wear. Everything is so Goddamn shiny. Douchebags at clubs usually rock the Ed Hardy or Affliction tees to look tough. "Oooh, look at me, I like MMA. I'm tough." Motherfuckers. Don't even get me started on the dick whose brown shoes don't go with his black belt (which he has on the wrong way--another pet hate of mine). Oh, and any asshole wearing pleated khakis to a club in 2011 should be stoned. I take that back, he probably drives a Saturn--that in itself is plenty of punishment.

Skanks will rock fake Louis Vuitton purses and a skimpy outfit they got that afternoon at Forever 21. "Hi, I'll pay $20 to get into this club, but not that much for a top. If all goes well, some douchebag will be taking it off me by the end of the night anyway." I'm not gonna lie, some of them have nice bodies, but most of them don't. Can you say pooch?

For the record, I'ms not a huge fan of a lot of makeup. I know it's a requirement for most women (and some men), but these skanks just take it way too far. I literally could try to drill a screw with a Makita power tool and not even make contact with the skin of some of these women.

Douchebags and skanks generally act a fool up in the club. This annoys the fuck out of me. No, I don't want to see a girl fight, or anyone fight for that matter. I also don't want to see douchebags be creepy with women (or men). I've seen this first hand with my buddies. I think my homegirl, B, will testify to how creepy dudes can be. Here's the thing, if you're making me uncomfortable, how do yo think the chick (or dude) you're hitting on feels? Just sayin'.

Cover Charge
Most clubs charge a cover of anywhere from $10 to over $50 in the shithole we call Vegas. To me this is fucking highway robbery. If you're going somewhere and it's clear your intent is to get sloshed and spend a shit-ton of money on booze, then they should let you in for free.

I feel you actually lose money by charging a cover. You know what the cheap motherfuckers do? They sneak in their own airplane sized bottles of Goose or flasks full on Henn and will order a cranberry juice or a Coke instead of the actual drink. There goes at least $50 for the club. Thank God I didn't grow up in the 70's, where everyone was about clubbing. I woulda fuckin' hated it.

Lack of Diversity
Much like Levar Burton, I'm about all the colors in the rainbow. You don't get that at most clubs.

You've got your all Asian clubs where boyfriends keep their girlfriends close because they they think one of my white buddies will steal them. Even though everyone's Asian, the faces you see are red. Heinekens and Coronas seem to be the drink of choice at places like this.

There's the yuppie white club where everyone's wearing Rugby and the ones who can't afford it are stuck in the 90's wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. Folks here will order Guinness or a scotch they know absolutely nothing about.

There aren't as many Wanksta clubs around. Those places are kind of entertaining. I love spotting the white dude in oversized Sean John gear. It's like Where's Waldo? Look out for folks drinking Hpnotiq or Henn. If I have my eyes on a WOC, I'll go to a Wanksta club. Everyone's in flannels and skinny jeans at the hipster club. Hygiene is also not a priority at those establishments and PBRs are in everyone's hand.

Notice that I didn't bash on Latin clubs because I love your women and have always wanted to learn how to dance salsa. The same goes for gay clubs. They're pretty fun (for a club). You can find condoms and hot, straight women everywhere.

You Missed Out
A typical story from my friends who hit the clubs is: "Dude, you missed out." No I fuckin' didn't. I saw the pictures on Facebook and, dude, that chick you supposedly made out with looks more like like Luis Guzman than Sophia Vergara.

There are a million things I would rather do than hit the club with you dicks. I'd rather catch up on Netflix or watch HBO. The neighborhood pub is a place where the bartenders aren't arrogant pricks and I don't need to take out a loan from the credit union just to have a Jameson. I'd rather stay home and have people over to drink or go to someone's place and have real conversations.

Hell, I can count at least five times from last year alone where I was in a warm bed with a naked woman in her mid twenties instead of creeping up trying to grind a chick from behind like most of my buddies.

Conclusion
This is a very biased piece. Obviously, clubs aren't for me (yes, even strip clubs). It bothers me that friends think they're going to meet the guy, girl or tranny of their dreams at a club. Sorry, probably not gonna happen. I love you as friends, but when it comes to clubs, you can count me out.

Honesty

I almost fucking blew up today. We all have pet peeves. In this post, I'll be completely transparent about a couple of mine.

The first is when motherfuckers say things like: "I don't want to be with someone that's hot I'd rather be with somebody that's cute." Bull-fucking-shit, man! Personality is huge. We all know this. I just can't fucking stand it when people say, they'd date the cute person over the hot person even if the hypothetical personality playing field was even. Next time, think about the question and be honest with yourself. Throw your insecurities out the window. Stop thinking that the hot person is more likely to cheat. Sure, the hot person is more likely to get hit on. They're fuckin' hot, motherfucker. That's why you hypothetically hit on them, right? Use fucking logic!would you still take the cute chick?

Here's another scenario where two of my pet hates came pouring down at one time:

I was having brunch with a couple friends last week and I was snapping photos on my iPhone. As I was shooting, one friend proceeded to cover her face and piss and moan about how she hates the way she looks in pictures and how she has a lot of insecurities. "I look ugly", she said. In my head I thought, "This is true." She did look pretty toe up, but that's beside the point. It's just a fucking picture. You are who you are. Get over yourself. Better yet, embrace yourself. Then I thought to myself, get therapy and remembered, shit--she IS in therapy. I felt like an asshole for a literally a second or two and got over it. Man, I got into the wrong line of work. If I was a therapist, I could be making a fortune right now thanks to folks like my dear friend.

This was a pretty mean post. I don't deny that. I'm an asshole, but it had to be said. Someone had to tell the fucking truth.

Starving

We all know the song: "Be Thankful For What You Got" by William De Vaughn. I'm a lot like my mom in the sense that it's very difficult for me to feel satisfied. I feel bad for those that are close to me because my expectations are often unfair and unrealistic. While I'm hard on people in my personal and professional life, I'm harshest on myself. No matter what I have, I'll always want more and will never be satisfied. I've never been good at taking compliments either.

I know, you're thinking, "Damn, that's sad." The funny thing is, that right now, I don't see this as being a good or bad thing. We all know the cliché: "It is what it is." As annoying as it is to hear that phrase, it's often times rings true. Perhaps in time I'll grow as a person. Maybe someday I'll go ahead and take Mr. De Vaughn's advice. For now, I'll continue living the way I have been by deferring to the wisdom of another musical legend sang: "Gimme More".

All I can I say is: "It's Britney, bitch!"

Katy Perry

Your music makes me so happy :)

A Lesson from Eat, Pray, Love

I'll be honest. I never read the book and the movie wasn't my favorite. The soundtrack on the other hand was freakin' awesome. There is one thing I took away from Eat, Pray, Love that hit close to home. It's learning to appreciate doing nothing and taking breaks.

This is the longest "vacation" I've ever taken away from work while being employed. I can't describe how damn good it felt. Sometimes, I'd have things to do, but most of the time, I could do whatever pleased me. That to me is the good life.

My first day back is Wednesday. It's not that I hate my job or anything. I actually like it. It pays the bills, I can eat and buy myself nice things every now and again. But to be honest, I wish I could just live worry free and do nothing. Maybe I should have bought a damn Mega Millions ticket. Ah well.

Reality, I fucking hate you.